T҉w҉i҉Z҉z҉y҉

Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.

Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag? A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear." -Rosa Parks

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky

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